


Familial Connections

by StewedSpice



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Crack Treated Seriously, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27589781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StewedSpice/pseuds/StewedSpice
Summary: Anakin saves the Galaxy from the Sith by misunderstanding a metaphor. Sidious is not having a good day.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 194





	Familial Connections

**Familial Connections**

The door of the Council Chamber banged open as an irate Anakin Skywalker swept in.

"Why didn't you tell me!!! You knew this whole time and didn't say anything??? This was how I had to find out?"

"Anakin, what," Obi-Wan pushed himself to his feet, moving to intercept his former Padawan, as his query was cut off by Anakins hysterics.

"We're brothers!! And you knew and said nothing????"

Obi-Wan sat back down, missing his chair and ending up on the floor. That. That was not what he was expecting. He wasn't sure what he _had_ been expecting, but definitely not that.

"We're what now?"

"BROTHERS OBI-WAN! THE CHANCELLOR TOLD ME SO!"

Ah, now things were starting to make some bit of sense. Not a lot, but knowing Anakin he half heard the Chancellor mention their brotherly bond and made a wild leap of logic. OK, he could deal with this. Hopefully before Mace burst a blood vessel suppressing his laughter. He took a deep breath and clambered back to his feet. Catching Anakins arm he began to steer the still ranting and wildly gestulating Knight out of the Council Chamber. 

"Anakin, I assure you I had no idea we shared a parent. We'll go down to the Halls and have a quick DNA test to confirm, alright?"

"No it's not alright! How could you not know? Do you think I'm too stupid to realise the truth?"

Obi-Wan allowed Anakins raving to wash over him, knowing he just wanted to vent and wasn't really looking for an actual response just yet. By the time they'd reached the Halls of Healing Anakin had subsided to cranky muttering as Obi-Wan silently reveled in escaping a Council meeting so quickly. 'Ten minutes in the Halls to get a DNA test that won't show anything, then _lunch!'._

_~~~_

_"_ We're _brothers."_

"I told you so."

"Brothers. Actual literal brothers. Share DNA brothers."

"Obi-Wan, you've been referring to me as your brother for _years."_

"I meant that emotionally and spiritually I considered you my brother. But, we're _actually brothers._ Anakin, _we share a father!"_

_"_ Yeah, the Chancellor, which was what I said earlier."

"I think I need to sit down."

"You're already sitting down."

"More down. Down is good."

~~~~

Sheev Palpatine was not pleased. That blasted Skywalker brat had just _walked out on him!_ He's spent years grooming the boy, positioning himself as a wise, kind grandfatherly figure, always there with a listening ear and advice. And finally, in the midst of his beautifully orchestrated war, after a decade of carefully isolating the boy, undermining his other relationships and feeding his fears, just as he's subtly laying out their destined connection through the Force, Sheevs own hand in his creation and birth, _the brat walks out on him!_ He just stared stupidly into space, murmured "Obi-Wan" and _left!!_ Why couldn't that damn Kenobi just die when he was supposed to on Naboo? The man was like a cockroach and Sheev would take great pleasure in crushing him slowly. Already the war wore him down, weakened him, left him vulnerable, but again and again his minions failed. Sheev ground his teeth as he turned back to his paperwork, considering how he could cut support from the 212th without it being traced back, when he was jolted from his vengeful thoughts by the bang of his door opening. And there he stood, the most irritating obstacle in his path, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Lightning crackled beneath his skin for a heartbeat before he forced it back under his iron control, just as the Skywalker brat barged in after his Master dragging…. A Clone Commander? Oh , that was Sheevs own Clone Commander. 

"Ah, Anakin my dear boy, back so soon? Is something wrong with Commander Fox?"

"Nope! Just need to borrow his helmet but he won't take it off so I need to borrow the whole Fox. Don't worry Dad, I'll have this sorted in a moment!"

Did. Did he just call him ' _Dad'?? Him! Chancellor Sheev Palpatine, Darth Sidious, Lord of the Sith was just called Dad by Skywalker???_ He opened his mouth to demand an explanation when Kenobi spoke.

"Sorry Father, Anakin is very excited to realise we're family. To have that physical connection to another being. And, well, I can't blame him."

"Father?". He did not squeak. He was a Sith, a consumate politician and manipulator, he. Did. Not. Squeak.

"Yes, Anakin told me of our connection. Well, I suppose it's more accurate to say that Anakin announced our familial relationship to the entire High Council, but, details." Kenobi waves it away, that annoying half smile under that awful beard, as if this makes any sense.

"Our. Connection?" There, calm and controlled. Visions of striking the impertinent bastard down dance behind his eyes.

"Ah, yes. I'll admit, I wasn't inclined to believe him at first but a quick DNA test proved him right. Over ten years and I never suspected we shared a father." Kenobi is still smiling at him, looking _happy_ of all things, radiating Light and joy into the Force. It's enough to make him nauseous. Then Kenobis words fully register and he has to sit down.

"You're. You're my son? You're _certain?"_

"Yes, Anakin and I share DNA from our father. And given that you told Anakin you were _his_ father." He trails off and shrugs. "A surprise to be sure, but I find it a welcome one. I know that, well, we've never had the easiest of relationships but I was hoping…"

"I made tea!!!" Anakin is a whirlwind of manic energy, depositing a steaming teapot and three cups on Sheevs desk, then immediately levitating them again. "Coasters!!! Fox where are the coasters?? Nevermind, found them!". The tea set is returned, thankfully _with_ coasters this time. He drags Kenobi around to the other side of Sheevs desk and positions him at Sheevs left shoulder, before plopping himself down to his knees on Sheevs right. 

"SMILE!!"

His manic enthusiasm is met with two simultaneous flat "what" 's before a camera flash blinds them. 

"Thanks Fox! Could you print me a couple copies?? Really appreciate it, talk later, bye!!"

"Anakin, what?" For once Kenobi is asking the smart questions. 

"I wanted a family portrait. I know our mothers couldn't be here, but we can be a new family! You both like tea and you're both really good at words and now you'll have a chance to really get to know each other!"

Sheev resists the urge to slam his head on his desk. The little fool thought Sheev was his _actual_ father, rather than his progenitor through Sith Alchemy. Although, how was Kenobis DNA a match? Best to go along with it for now, at worst, he'll have increased opportunities to poison the worm and at best, increased access to the Jedi High Council.

~~~~

Several days later, Sheev is quite pleased with himself. He wove a tale of woe and star-crossed love, Kenobis mother a beautiful Stewjoni woman he had loved deeply but who had left him and returned to her homeworld. Mournful sighs of how he had never known she was pregnant, a regretful murmer of how he _wished she'd told him_ . Fortunately, Skywalker had little interest in how Sheev had encountered his own mother, her loss (and his reaction) still too painful to examine closely. Yes, this would serve his goals quite nicely. Kenobi turning on their _family_ if the Jedi ever figured out his identity would be the perfect push for Anakins inevitable fall. It almost made him consider sparing Amidala. Almost.

His good mood lasted right up until the Senate session that afternoon, when Senator Kiva'Lakoso put forth a Motion of No Confidence. His own shock was covered by the immediate outbreak of arguments among the Senators present. Mas Amedda eventually restored order to the chamber and demanded Senator Kiva'Lakoso explain themselves.

"Honored fellow Senators, I do not bring this proposal before you all lightly! I acknowledge freely the potential disruption and peril a vote to remove our Chancellor would create but I can no longer stand idly by! Our Chancellor consorts with the Jedi, not as colleagues or advisors but as family! How can we trust his judgement to remain impartial? How can we trust that his acknowledged sons are not using their position of familiarity to bypass the Senate? We have freely granted our wise Chancellor great power to direct this regretful war we find ourselves mired in, but this _flaunting_ of his supposed neutrality is an affort, not old to this auguste body, but to all the peoples of the Republic which we serve! For the sake of the Republic, we must remove Chancellor Palpatine."

The insectoid Senator docks their pod, as every datapad in the dome beeps at the receipt of the Senators "proof". Sheev opens the file negligently, one Senator from a Mid-Rim nowhere world will not unseat him now. He blanches as he sees the files Kiva'Lakoso has shared; holos of him with Kenobi and Skywalker, drinking tea and laughing. Holos taken is his home. A recording, "I'll see it done my boy, you and your men will have what you need by the end of the week". His own voice making promises to the Jedi. Still, this is nothing he cannot overcome, a few hours to message his supporters and lackeys will swing the vote to a resounding victory. A few subtle comments implying that what he'd promised was only what the Senate had already agreed, nothing more than usual political self-aggrandisement.

Then another Senator moves their pod forward. Who… ah, Quelestra of another irrelevant world. Some backwater birds, their only value as an agri-world.

"My illustrious colleagues! Senator Kiva'Lakoso has made a proposal and I must speak in support. Not only in support, for they spoke wisely to mention the potential for chaos. I propose we hold the vote now and an election immediately after if necessary. In that event let us vote for our preferred candidates by transferable vote until a super majority has been reached. Let us resolve this issue before it can disrupt the Republic any further, for we have other grave matters to consider."

Sheev frowns, the only other matters on the docket today is Senatorial Parking. Still, the people elect the representatives they deserve and these idiots are rarely concerned with much beyond such trivial matters. Lights flicker through the Dome as Senators signal their agreement with Quelestras proposal, the two thirds majority needed reached in record time. Mas Amedda glances at him, then announces the proposal has passed. The Vote of No Confidence begins. The Outer Rim worlds light up the projections with a rash of No Confidence, more slowly matched by Core worlds that vote Confidence. The votes sway over and back as the extremes finish voting and more measured minds begin to cast their votes. At first, his victory ticks steadily upward until a half of all votes have been tabulated. Then a surge of No Confidence comes from the Mid-Rim worlds, snatching his power from him in a blow like a 'saber to the gut. He slumps back in his seat, stunned as Mas Amedda staggers to his feet.

"The Vote of No Confidence has passed. The Senate will take a 30 minute recess and reconvene to elect a new Chancellor."

The microphones on the dais cut out and there is silence. Then the dull roar of thousands of sentients talking and arguing fills the chamber and the Senators filter out into the hallways to mingle and barter votes in the meagre time they have. Sheev slowly descends from his perch, his power as Chancellor gone, his systems locked as soon as the vote concluded. The clone army and their chips are beyond his reach for now. His ears are ringing. How? How could two no name Senators from two separate irrelevant Mid-Rim dirtballs so thoroughly derail a thousand years of careful planning??

Somehow, he knows it was Kenobis fault.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the five sentences I read at 7.30am on Discord. The lesson is don't open discord before you're fully awake or this sort of nonsense will infect your brain.


End file.
